What is Truth? Who to Believe?

For many, these past few years have been increasingly troubling times as we witness here in the US and other countries around the world falling backward with regard to their democracies, their purpose and values. Doubts have been casted against elected officials, newsmakers, and even what qualifies as a ‘fact.’

Though usually unshakeable in my faith, I have found myself figuratively scratching my head as I strive to make sense of the lies, misinformation, personal attacks and attacks upon the foundational beliefs of our Democracy.

It seems to me that this process of seeding doubts, causing confusion and stoking fear is an effective strategy to create division, weaken the people, then seize power and control.

This process is deliberate and insidious. This process is one of Psychological Manipulation and there are three components.

First, a Deceptive Idea is planted in the minds of people; this idea has elements of credibility that allows it to take hold because the basis of most effective lies involves some truth.

Second, identify a desire that is commonly help by people [e.g., security, love] then Distort that Desire in order to exploit it to achieve power and control.

Third, after taking over people’s minds and hearts, the End Game is to use your power and control in order to incite others to engage in Destructive Behavior — and this destructive behavior benefits only the people who steal the power and control to serve their selfish purposes.

The only way to avoid falling victim to this psychological manipulation is to know what TRUTH is; and the only TRUTH is LOVE. So, if an idea in your mind is unsettling to you; if a desire in your heart gives you some trepidation; if a behavior you engage in causes harm to another in any way, then it is not motivated by love. The likely motivation is fear.

Respect ourself, cherish others, preserve democracy and trust in Love – however you define love.

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A True Story of Thanks

S.O.U.L. Las Vegas

This past Monday morning, I was looking forward to meeting with one of the other woman ministers with whom I serve on the Interfaith Group formed by Rev Staci of the Las Vegas Center for Spiritual Living. Pastor Charlotte [aka Char] and I agreed to meet at a Starbucks located in the middle of our two residences, as the Las Vegas Valley is quite spread out.

I arrived at our agreed upon location early, as is typical for me, because over the years working within the military it has been ingrained that ‘if you are on time, you’re late.’ I texted Char to give her a ‘heads up’ that this particular Starbucks was located inside the Target Store, rather than a stand alone. She didn’t reply. I waited patiently because I know my friend and thought that she was probably on her way and simply didn’t want to respond while driving.

After 20 minutes passed, I went outside to look around, noticed that there was an actual coffee shop in the same strip mall, so called Char to suggest we meet there rather than inside Target. My call went straight to voicemail.

About five minutes later, I received a text from Char, “Hi Val. My sister-in-law died last night. We are at the airport this morning leaving for MN. Sorry, Hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving. I’ll be home on Saturday, so will see you next week. God Bless you, Char.”

I responded with love and condolences to Char.

I got into my car to return home, and with this new-found time, I gave my ‘almost brother-in-law’ Ralph a Happy Birthday phone call then continued on my way.

As I drove home, I saw a Denny’s sign from the road. With my tummy rumbling, because by now it was almost 10:00am, I thought about how nice it would be to have a hot breakfast and found myself taking the exit.

While pulling into my parking space, I noticed another car pulling right up to the Denny’s entry and a woman get out slowly. Now walking toward the entrance, I clearly see this woman has a pronounced limp and think to myself how thoughtful the driver was to get her as close to the door as possible so as to minimize the distance she had to walk. I quickened my step so that I could get to the door before her, then held out the door for her and said “I got you” with a smile. She turned to me with both a look of slight surprise and definite gratitude and said, “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.” We both entered. The hostess asked “How many in your party?” The limping woman said two. The hostess then commented on the woman’s noticeable limp, and the woman stated, “I need a hip replacement and just got an injection.” They slowly walked to their table, as I was led to my own table by another server.

As I was enjoying a delicious breakfast, looking at the bright sunny day through the window and thinking about Char, I see out of the corner of my eye the limping woman approaching me. The smile on her face widens, and she starts raising her arm slightly. I see a familiar white strip of paper in her hand and say aloud, “What did you do?” knowing full well that she paid for my breakfast. All she said was, “I appreciate your kindness,” then she turned around and limped back to her table. I would have immediately followed her, but took a moment to choke back my tears because I was so moved by HER act of kindness.

I walked over to her table, asked if I could give her a big hug, and when she affirmed, we wrapped our arms around each other and I felt filled with gratitude. She was seated with a man who was also radiating a big smile, so I hugged him too, and we all laughed. I returned to finish my breakfast and left a generous tip on the table as a way to ‘pay it forward.’

On my way out, I stopped again to hug these sweet people. I introduced myself as Val, and wished them both a ‘Happy Thanksgiving.’ They told me their names are Tammy and Andre, and we shared another hug.

Shared moments like these are precious, and for these connections with others I am truly grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving Tammy and Andre! Happy Thanksgiving to all!

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Have You Ever Felt Like a Cactus?

Have you ever felt like a cactus, you know, able to thrive in the harshest of climates with very little sustenance?  Perhaps we all feel that way from time to time.

This insight came to me recently when, in the midst of accepting many requests to professionally link with others, responding to numerous emails, and reading through countless tweets, I realized that it was all meaningless, empty activity pretending to be “connections with others.”

My Twitter followers probably never actually read my tweets; the ratio of personal email messages to professional and/or junk is minimal, and most of the people in my professional network honestly would probably not even notice if I dropped out of their network and stopped posting in discussions.  Furthermore, because I am one of the many people who has put herself out in the public domain so to speak, like others, I am subject to attacks.  It is perfectly expected and reasonable that not everyone will agree with me professionally and/or will know more than I do; however, when the attacks become personal and are without provocation, that is where I draw the line.  Lastly, it sometimes seems arbitrary how these professional and social networking sites impose rules.  I had one message on Craig’s List that was posted under “Books – For Sale By Owner”  flagged and removed because it was too commercial – really?   And on Twitter, people like Guy Kawasaki can post a tweet literally every 1-3 minutes, yet my account gets suspended because I posted one “thank you in advance for reading my book” message [without any links] to 50 or so different book clubs on Twitter.  By the way, that same day, I received a direct tweet from one of my followers asking me if I “wanna f*ck?” but apparently, that is allowed.

There are many positive aspects to social and professional networking sites, but there is also a downside and a dark side.  Many recent stories about young people committing suicide in large part due to cyber-bullying is one stark example of these negative sides.

My life philosophy and approach is to be kind.  It’s just sad when someone with good intentions who strives to be kind while earning an honest living by sharing inspirational writings can be persecuted, attacked, and blocked.  So, to answer the question that was posted at the beginning of this post, ‘Yes,’ sometimes I do feel like a cactus, but I am deeply grateful for the handful of people in my life with whom I enjoy genuine, loving relationships who provide enough sustenance to thrive in this harsh environment we call life.

May we all find our way to be kind, accepting, forgiving, and compassionate as we navigate our way through social and professional networks.

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Compassion – What Can We Do?

Recently, two bombs struck near the finish line of the Boston Marathon turning a beloved event into a bloody scene of destruction.  After this recent bombing in Boston, Massachusetts USA for which there was constant and extensive media coverage that continues to this day, a colleague pointed out that a near identical situation also occurred in eastern Afghanistan, without so much as a blip on our American conscience.

My colleagues’ point will no-doubt resonate with many, and will also serve to once again highlight the fact that we Americans can be quite ego-centric.  The perception is that Americans tend to focus on what happens to us and how we suffer, without much thought about the suffering of others in the world.  While we rally after an earthquake in Haiti or a tsunami in Japan, our attention and concern is not long-sustained.

On the other hand, it would be emotionally painful and ultimately unhealthy and counter-productive to focus our attention on all the pain and suffering around the world because it is heart-breaking and never-ending.

Do the people of other countries focus their attention on the pain and suffering of everybody in all other countries around the world?

Do people in Afghanistan worry about the Americans who were affected by the bombing in Boston?  Probably not any more or less than the people in America worry about the Afghanis in Kabul where insurgents killed six police officers at a checkpoint and a suicide bomber killed three civilians at a shopping bazaar in separate attacks.

Perhaps the best people in any country can do is focus on that for which they can do the most good and with which they have the most connection – which is focus their concern on people and events closer to home.  And that does not make us insensitive or uncaring.  It just makes us human – with limitations and imperfections.

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Great news! “Finding Your Way: Lessons from Life” the book is now available

Hey – if you like this blog, then you’ll love the book!

                       

Finding Your Way: Lessons from Life

by Valerie Galante, Ph.D.

From the Introduction:

If you have ever found yourself asking, “Is this all there is?” or “What is my purpose?” then listen carefully because that inner voice asking those questions is the whisper of your spirit trying to awaken you.  Your spirit is always present, guiding you through life and reminding you of lessons yet to be learned.  How can you hear and listen to your spirit calling?  And how do you respond to this calling?  The answer is by Finding Your Way…

Book Description:

Finding Your Way: Lessons from Life serves as a guidebook to navigate the path of life by providing inspirational, insightful, and informative lessons from diverse sources to the reader for the purpose of encouraging, engaging, and empowering you to make the most of yourself and your life.

Building upon her background as a highly experienced Licensed Clinical Psychologist and ordained Interfaith Minister, Dr. Galante uses humor, cultural references, and every day events to enlighten readers about the nature of being human and how to live their lives with meaning and fulfillment.

From the Publisher:

We are proud to announce the publication of this new book, Finding Your Way: Lessons from Life by Valerie Galante, Ph.D, which is now widely available in two hard-copy versions from Amazon.com – a Black & White Edition and an Exclusive Full-Color Collector’s Limited Edition.  The electronic edition is available from Kindle.

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Live Well, Be Well

Hello and Welcome to Another Beautiful Day,

To start the New Year off well, apply these 22 Laws of Wellness from cancer survivor Greg Anderson:

The Law of Esprit: The joy you feel is life!

The Law of Personal Accountability: If it’s going to be, it’s up to me. – Robert H. Schuller

The Law of Unity: The part can never be well unless the whole is well. – Plato

The Law of Physical Activity: Use it or lose it.

The Law of Nutritional Frugality: A little with quiet is the only diet. – Scottish proverb

The Law of Minimal Medical Invasiveness: The art of medicine is generally a question of time. – Ovid

The Law of Stress-Hardiness: It’s not what happens to you. It’s what you do about it. – W. Mitchell “survivor”

The Law of Emotional Choice: Learning to be aware of feelings… is an essential lifetime skill. – Joan Borysenko (author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind)

The Law of Developmental Motivation: Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. – Henry Van Dyke

The Law of Human Dignity: God created man in His own image. – Genesis

The Law of Win/Win: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. – The Golden Rule

The Law of Present-Moment Living: Be here now. – Ram Dass

The Law of Mindfulness: The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven. – John Milton

The Law of Creativity: Imagination is the eye of the soul. – Joseph Joubert

The Law of Lifetime Growth: We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden. – Goethe

The Law of Life Mission: He dies every day who lives a lingering life. – Pierrard Poullet

The Law of Purpose Through Service: Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. – Albert Einstein

The Law of Stewardship: If you want happiness for a lifetime, help the next generation. – Chinese proverb

The Law of Forgiveness: Forgiveness restores our hearts to the innocence that we knew – an innocence that allowed us the freedom to love. – Robin Casarjian (author of Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart)

The Law of Gratitude: Affirm the good things.

The Law of Personal Peace: Without inner peace, it is impossible to have world peace. – The Dalai Lama

The Law of Unconditional Loving: … and the greatest of these is love. – Saint Paul

May you find your way to wellness.

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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In honor of the spirit of Christmas, I share this poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow with you…

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet the words repeat,
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll’d along th’ unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bow’d my head:
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.”

‘Til ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

first published in 1863

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Day 103 – Compromise vs. Settle

Hello and Welcome to another Beautiful Day,

There is a difference between compromising and settling.  In my mind, a compromise is an agreement in which each side gives up some demands or makes concessions without negating one’s own integrity, values, rights, or hopes.  The two parties arrive at a figurative place somewhere midway between their two positions without neglecting the things that matter.

Contrastingly, when one settles, one accepts something in place of what is hoped for, requested, or desired and this settling often involves giving up something of great intangible value such as a principle, or one’s integrity, values, rights, or hopes. Don’t settle; don’t sacrifice yourself.

Think of the difference between these two concepts as an analogy from the SAT’s…

Compromise is to settle as assertive is to aggressive. 

When a person behaves in an assertive manner, s/he acts in a positive, confident manner that empowers her/him to achieve the result or outcome s/he desires without compromising her/his own or another’s integrity, values, or rights.  Whereas, when a person behaves in an aggressive manner, s/he acts in a negative, bullying manner that ultimately disempowers her/him and the other person even if s/he achieves the short-term result or outcome s/he desires because her/his actions violate her/his own or another’s integrity, values, or rights.  Being aggressive is not worth it.

In my experience, aggressive people are unassertive and insecure with a limited repertoire in their behavioral bag of tricks from which to choose.  Sometimes, if you can reach their hearts or soul, they will see the light and change their ways by expanding their behavioral choices to include kinder, gentler strategies for expressing themselves and achieving desired outcomes.  Sadly though, many aggressive people do not have this insight into themselves and they are firmly locked into their behaviors thereby lacking the motivation to change.  They’re trapped.

Aggressive bullies who ‘force’ you to settle and who disregard your integrity, values, or rights will only contribute to your unhappiness (and their own).  As you find your way in life, do not settle for a bully as a friend, colleague, or partner.  Find people who are able to be assertive and who are willing to compromise, for they will contribute to your happiness by respecting your integrity, values, rights, hopes, and dreams.    

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Day 101 – Self Actualization

Hello and Welcome to another Beautiful Day,

In 1943, a young psychologist attempted to explain what motivates humans to act.  He believed that human motivations could be categorized into two basic groups; first a motivation to act in order to replenish a deficiency and second, a motivation to act in order to grow.  His name was Abraham Maslow and his theory came to be known as Maslow’s’ Hierarchy of Needs.

According to Maslow, humans will focus their attention and intention upon the growth needs if and only if the deficiency needs have been satisfied. First things first, so to speak. 

After basic physiological needs such as the need for air, food, water are secure, when one’s survival is no longer an issue, and that person feels loved and valued for who they are, then s/he may begin to focus on developing her/his cognitive abilities and satisfy the ‘need’ to know, to understand, and explore; satisfy the ‘need’ to experience aesthetics – symmetry, order, and beauty; pursue self-fulfillment and realize one’s potential by becoming self-actualized.  In later years, Maslow added another level to his hierarchy, the ‘need’ to connect with something that is beyond one’s personal ego as well as to help others find their way to self-fulfillment, which is the highest desire and highest good known as self-transcendence.

Transcendence is a state of being or existence above and beyond the limits of material experience, beyond the limits of emotions and usual understanding; to exceed beyond the ordinary.

For those of us on a spiritual path to enlightenment and transcendence, it can be a kind of ‘living Hell’ to get stuck at a ‘lower level’ and feel stifled in our life progression.  When this happens, how do we get ourselves unstuck?

The only answer is by faith, hope, and persistence.  You just have to believe that there is cohesiveness and a purpose to your life and that if you persist in your desires, then you will transcend your current situation, state of being, and level of ‘need.’

I believe that as one progresses up the pyramid, the motivation to achieve becomes greater.  As each level of ‘need’ is satisfied, people’s sense of mastery becomes stronger spurring them on to higher goals.  As people get nearer to the top, the motivation becomes so strong and their sense of mastery so certain, that it can be temporarily devastating to get stuck and become frustrated by not being able to achieve that next highest level.

Having been there myself, I firmly believe that in the end, it is only our own selves that hold us back.  In part, it may be remnants of ego that get in the way; but more likely, it is negative self-talk and all of the “I cant’s”  and “I don’t want to’s” that become our greatest obstacles.

That which we resist, persists.  That which we give energy to, will grow.  So, the way to overcome these self-induced obstacles is to let go, go with the flow, be accepting, and focus your energy, attention, and intent on what you want rather than what you do not.

Believe me, this is easier said than done, yet it is how you and I will find our way to salvation and transcendence.

I hope we all find our way to the top of the pyramid.    

I’m gonna make it by any means, I got a pocketful of dreams
Baby, I’m from New York
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of – There’s nothing you can’t do
Now you’re in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York!

~ Empire State of Mind, Alicia Keys

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Act Now

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.”~Napoleon Hill

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