Hello and Welcome to another Beautiful Day,
There is a difference between compromising and settling. In my mind, a compromise is an agreement in which each side gives up some demands or makes concessions without negating one’s own integrity, values, rights, or hopes. The two parties arrive at a figurative place somewhere midway between their two positions without neglecting the things that matter.
Contrastingly, when one settles, one accepts something in place of what is hoped for, requested, or desired and this settling often involves giving up something of great intangible value such as a principle, or one’s integrity, values, rights, or hopes. Don’t settle; don’t sacrifice yourself.
Think of the difference between these two concepts as an analogy from the SAT’s…
Compromise is to settle as assertive is to aggressive.
When a person behaves in an assertive manner, s/he acts in a positive, confident manner that empowers her/him to achieve the result or outcome s/he desires without compromising her/his own or another’s integrity, values, or rights. Whereas, when a person behaves in an aggressive manner, s/he acts in a negative, bullying manner that ultimately disempowers her/him and the other person even if s/he achieves the short-term result or outcome s/he desires because her/his actions violate her/his own or another’s integrity, values, or rights. Being aggressive is not worth it.
In my experience, aggressive people are unassertive and insecure with a limited repertoire in their behavioral bag of tricks from which to choose. Sometimes, if you can reach their hearts or soul, they will see the light and change their ways by expanding their behavioral choices to include kinder, gentler strategies for expressing themselves and achieving desired outcomes. Sadly though, many aggressive people do not have this insight into themselves and they are firmly locked into their behaviors thereby lacking the motivation to change. They’re trapped.
Aggressive bullies who ‘force’ you to settle and who disregard your integrity, values, or rights will only contribute to your unhappiness (and their own). As you find your way in life, do not settle for a bully as a friend, colleague, or partner. Find people who are able to be assertive and who are willing to compromise, for they will contribute to your happiness by respecting your integrity, values, rights, hopes, and dreams.
